By Now
by ASlaveToWords
Summary: Sometimes you don't have a choice. Sometimes you're faced with a wall you either have to climb over or lean against and give up. Johnny knew this, & he also knew he was no quitter. He'd get through it. After all, no matter what, there was always a moon.


**A/N: OK so, this is just something I came up with after listening to (for the hundredth time today) my all-time fave band's newest album. This is one of my fave songs on said album and... I duno I guess this just kinda clicked. The Inspiration comes from a song called "By Now - Marianas Trench". I duno, maybe none of the following story will make sense to you, it's just more or less drabble that just kinda poured outta my mind but hopefully you'll get something out of it :P **

**So, without further adieu, on with the story**

**...oh, btw, before I forget; this is a ONESHOT. Meaning there will NOT be another chapter, there will not be anything after this and when you get to the end, THAT'S IT. The end. So please don't msg or review asking when the next one will be out or asking me to continue because I'm done! you. **

**OK, NOW on with the story.**

**Warning: Rated mostly for language. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>He'd always found it funny how quickly things could change. How, in the short length of time it took to realize something wasn't quite right, it was already too late.<p>

Johnny McGreggor starred up at the foreboding sight before him with a deep frown. This was it. What had once signified warmth, comfort, sanctuary and escape was now an empty and lonely shell. With a heavy sigh, the redhead hiked the bag he was carrying further up onto his back as he forced his feet forward.

One, two, three, four – pause – did he really want to do this? Was it really necessary? You always had options, always had a choice. Right? Isn't that what they said? Isn't that what the morons in charge of the schools always tried to shove down your throat growing up? There was always a choice? Don't ever do anything you don't want to do? It's OK to be selfish and think of yourself sometimes?

No. They were wrong. Sometimes you didn't have a choice. Sometimes there wasn't any other option. Sometimes you had to do what you didn't want to. After all, wasn't it also true that the right path wasn't always the easiest? Yes, that one was most definitely true.

Heaving the cement blocks that were his feet up over the last few steps was much harder the second time round. Damn it! He shouldn't have stopped! Momentum was the secret to success. Not like he'd actually expected to be able to talk himself out of what had to be done anyway, he was just delaying the inevitable.

- five, six, seven, eight, nine. Nine steps. What a stupid number! Nine? Really? What kind of moron built stairs with nine steps. Why not eight? They could have made them a little bigger! Then again, they were already kinda big and dumpy looking so why not make them smaller and make ten?

Nine. What a stupid number.

Johnny released another heavy sigh. Alright, this was it. No more shittin' around. Time to grow a pair and get it over with. Not like he had a choice; had to keep that in mind, no choice.

He lifted his finger, hesitating as it hovered above the little round fiend that would be the gong that signaled the beginning to the end of life as he knew it.

Man up, Johnny! Man up!

One ring. Two rings…. One more for good measure.

Now he just had to wait.

One Mississippi. Two Mississippi. Three Mississippi. Four-

God damn! What was this obsession with counting lately anyway? What'd he suddenly turn into the Count from Sesame street?

One pathetic little man, ah, ah, ah. Two pathetic little man, ah, ah, ah. Three pathetic little man, ah, ah, ah.

Johnny clenched his teeth as his free fist clenched by his side, the other tightened around the strap of the bag on his shoulder. Deep down – way, way, seriously way deep down – he knew what the problem was. That stupid, annoying little voice inside that always kept you from doing things you knew were wrong even though you really wanted to, kept mocking him and jabbing at him, telling him he was nervous. Lonely. And it dared suggest it!; Scared.

The redhead snorted.

Scared.

Yea right! Him, the great Johnny McGreggor. Scared. _The nerve_.

A low rumble formed in the Scottish man's chest as he pushed the troublesome thoughts aside. What the hell was taking so long?

"Answer the door, damn it!" He muttered angrily under his breath.

This time the Scot lifted his fist to bang, none too gently, on the door and didn't stop until finally it swung open with great force.

Johnny blinked at the person on the other side, her having ducked to avoid a fist in the face as he continued to pound on the now non-existent door. When she was upright again, the woman gave him an annoyed glare. Johnny smirked maliciously.

"Damn." He said maliciously. "Missed by _that_ much."

Ignoring his snide remark, the young woman, an admittedly pretty redhead herself, crossed her arms as she leaned against the doorframe.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"It's my house. " The Scot spat, more irritated then ever now. "What the hell are _you_ doing here?"

Again ignoring him, partially, the woman spoke again.

"It's not your house anymore."

Now thoroughly annoyed, Johnny reached into his pocket.

"Until I sign," he pulled a rather wrinkled and disheveled sheet of paper from his pocket "_this_, yea it is. Now move the hell outta my way."

Without really waiting for her to do so, Johnny easily pushed past the woman and entered into the house and proceeded up the second set of stairs before him. When he reached the top he paused, taking a deep breath as he looked around.

Damn he was going to miss this place.

Johnny snorted. No he wasn't, he was going to miss what came with it.

"Johnny?"

Oh God. Not here. Not now. There wasn't supposed to be anyone home. It was supposed to be quick and painless – sort of. Well, as much as possible, he was still human damn it.

Lavender shaded eyes closed as a not so unfamiliar frown creased the Scots face. He hadn't expected this but life was full of challenges and with his luck lately this certainly wasn't a surprise. Taking a deep and silent breath, the Scot steeled himself up, straightening his back and lifting his head high in preparation as he reopened his eyes and turned confidently around. Of course, that preparation and resolve all but blew away like dust in the wind when he gazed upon the sight before him.

Hell, if the Goddess Artemis herself ever took on human form, this would be what she looked like.

Hair as black as the night she ruled, skin as pale and fair as the moonlight that represented her and eyes like tiny silver moons themselves, each shinning like little gems set into a work of art that was the image of beauty itself.

Why? Why was he doing this again?

Oh right, no choice. Had to remember that; no choice.

"What are you doing here?"

Angelic. That's what her voice was. Absolutely amazing and alluringly angelic.

Snap out of it Johnny! In and out; get in, get your shit, get out.

Oh damn it all to hell if her favorite friggin song didn't come to mind!

…..Then again, it did fit the moment pretty well just then.

_How've ya been.  
>Can I come in?<br>Just came to get my things and then I guess I'm leaving._

The redhead shook the pain-in-the-ass song out of his head and, not for the last time, readjusted the bag on his shoulders.

"Hey." He said awkwardly. "I ah… I just came by to get some stuff… didn't think you'd be home so… figured now was a good time."

She frowned.

He frowned.

Damn that to hell too! You don't ruin a work of art with a smudge like that! …. Then again it was his fault so… Damn him! Idiot.

"You… didn't want me around?"

"No." The redhead replied. Suddenly realizing how that sounded, he hurried to back pedal. "Wait! Hang on, I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I meant… well I did mean it but-"

Johnny released a frustrated sigh and reached up to run his hands over his face. When he removed them again he frowned once more.

"I just thought it would be easier if we didn't have to face each other, that's all."

"I see."

Johnny's frown deepened.

"Don't look at me like that…" He almost whispered. "It….. it's not my fault."

"I know." She replied simply, still starring into his eyes like she could see right through him – scratch that, like she could see_ inside_ him.

"It's not your fault either, ya know."

"I know."

He felt like pulling out his hair. Opting for a change of topic, the redhead sighed again and looked to the side, unable to look into the tiny lunar spheres any longer.

"So. What's pizza face doin here?" He asked, referring to the redhead he'd met upon entering. "Thought she was still off in America following her dream to become a stripper."

"Artist's muse. Don't make fun."

Johnny snorted. Who was making fun? He was serious, it was the same damn thing to him. Strip for money, what was the difference?

"Whatever." The redhead replied moodily. "You didn't answer the question."

"Tessi came back last week, she's going to look for work around here. She's…. moving in with me."

That made the redhead tense considerably. That horrible influence of a hoe-bag! In _his _house! The thought of it made him sick to the stomach. What was she thinking! Give it a month, no! Two weeks! And the goddess inspired perfection before him would be just as tainted, just as… _naked_ as the floozy she called her so-called best friend!

Damn it all to hell!

Taking a good, long, deep breath, Johnny forced himself to calm down. He had to take this like a man. No choice. He had no choice.

Feeling some of his anger and frustration ease away, the redhead turned to look back into the lunaresque orbs. Gods they were beautiful. As if the goddess herself had plucked the moon right out of the sky and cut it in half to complete a masterpiece told of only in ancient myth and legend.

Wasn't it funny that like the gravitational pull that held the moon tight to the earth, said eyes also had the same effect on a certain Scot? Johnny resisted another sigh as he suddenly realized he was standing right before shi work of art, the space between them almost non-existent.

Ha! His, yea right. She wasn't his, at least not any longer….. No, now that he thought about it, she was never really his.

"You're so beautiful…"

Silver orbs flashed for a moment and Johnny felt his heart jump. His body had committed full mutiny now and it frustrated him a little to know that he no longer had control over it. Well, he could always blame it on one of those 'heat of the moment' things later.

Oh, hell, there it was again! The rest of that damn song! Oh how he hated that song! And damn it if it wasn't the soundtrack to his life just then. No brownie points earned there!

A traitorous, calloused hand reached up and gently brushed aside ebony locks, sweeping them lightly over a pale, bare shoulder as the redhead leaned down. It was like he was watching someone else puppeteer his body from behind a sheet of glass; knowing it was his body, his voice, his actions but they were no longer under his control.

"If I could say… the words you'd like to hear, I'd whisper in your ear; it's only temporary….."

Silver eyes widened as the recognition set in. Heh, bet she didn't even realize he knew the words to that God forsaken song. Well! You don't hear the same words over and over and over and over again day after day without having _something _sink in.

Oh damn it! That wasn't supposed to happen!

Johnny felt the infamous dagger plunge into his heart as he watched the once beautiful orbs fill up, watched as they became blurry like the mere reflection of something beautiful on the surface of some pristine and crystalline lake.

"Please don't do this…."

What kind of statement was that? Please don't do this? Please don't do what! Please don't leave? Please don't make me change my mind? Please don't remind me how much we once meant to each other?

Please don't _what_ damn it?

And God Damn that stupid friggin song! If he _ever _got his hands on the S-O-B who wrote those damn lyrics! …..

_But I've been taking you for granted  
>And I thought you'd feel the same as me.<br>It's time that I come clean but,  
>But for now can we, just both pretend to sleep?<br>Sometimes the one you want is not the one you need.  
>What goes around, don't come around.<br>You should know me by now._

"I didn't come here to make trouble." The redhead said softly. "I didn't even come here to try and change anything… I just… I need you to know that-"

"Tik, Tok, on the clock but the party don't stop!"

Johnny felt his blood boil as his head snapped to the side, glaring a hole through the smirking girl leaning against the wall with crossed arms and a smirk a ways away.

"Don't worry Johnny-boy! I'll take good care of the lunar flower."

"That's what I'm afraid of. " The Scot growled. "Do you _mind_?"

"Mind taking care of her?" The irritation that was the red-speckled hoe replied with a cruel smirk. "No, of course not. I'm quite convinced I'll do a much better job than you did. Don't worry, I'll find her a man worthy of her."

Johnny felt like strangling the woman as he tried desperately to ignore the vein throbbing in his forehead.

"No, do you mind – as in my polite way of saying; _fuck off_!"

Said _lunar flower_ turned to the intruder and gave her a forced, whisper of a smile.

"It's OK Tessi…. We'll only be a minute."

Thankfully, the trashy blob straightened and gave her feminine counterpart a small, tender smile before turning another cruel one on Johnny.

"Don't keep her long! Single girls are busy girls, you know!" With a disgusting wink, she turned then and glided out of the room.

Single? That's right, she was single. He was no longer part of the equation ….

Johnny felt his insides twist and clench to the point he actually felt he might vomit right then and there.

Thankfully however, the redhead was able to force down the bile rising in his throat and turned back to the much more desirable view before him.

"I was going to say that…. I just wanted you to know…"

Too late. The moment was gone. There were times for everything and his time had passed.

What no lyrics this time? No salt to rub in the wound? No- Oh, yep, there it was. And right on time too. Third time really is a charm.

_Our talk is small, I'm seven inches tall  
>And you should keep the apartment.<br>So here's my keys, changed all the bills.  
>We're only built to spill, and wonder where the heart went.<em>

Swallowing against the searing lump in his throat, the redhead reached up to place his hands on the shoulders before him.

"I brought the keys so.. once I grab my shit I'll be on my way and you won't have to see me again."

A single, tender and lingering kiss to the temple. That was his goodbye gift. That was what he would leave her. The end of their legacy. The end of-

Since when the hell had he become so mushy?

Johnny pulled back and without a word or second glance, he moved past the moon's reflection and made his way further into the house. It only took him a few minutes to gather what few belongings he had left in the house and before he could even consider reconsidering, he was back down the front stairs and opening the door.

"Johnny."

So close! Just another step and he would have made it.

Once again the redhead turned around, a little more reluctantly this time. But he knew it was unavoidable, he never could simply ignore the girl.

"What….. do you need me to know?"

There was a deafening crash of thunder overhead and a flicker before the lights failed. Then came the rain - how cliche - heavy, drilling sheets of rain clearly audible through the open door, seemingly dropping straight out of the heavens as if the Gods had suddenly released the damn that welled up all the rains reserved for months to come.

There was darkness.

But through that darkness, somehow, shone two tiny silver moons. The Scot wasn't sure if he was actually seeing them or if he was just imagining them but there they were all the same.

"Johnny…?"

Johnny closed his eyes. One more time… Just one more time to remember by.

"It's time for you to go, Johnny."

Johnny resisted a snort. Wouldn't he know it, the one time the ol' witch actually used his name, and in a soft tone no less, was the very last time they'd ever speak.

"Would you go crawl in a hole somewhere!" The Scot growled. "I'll be outta your life soon enough!"

"Johnny." Angelic angel. She'd granted his wish. Albeit, it was a little firmer this time, a little more impatient, but still beautiful all the same.

There was a flash, bright enough to light the foyer, and it tore him apart to see salty rain blurring his beloved silver moons as thick drops fell in time with the percussion from outside.

_And you've been taking me for granted  
>And I thought you'd feel the same as me.<br>It's time that I come clean but,  
>But for now can we, just both pretend to sleep?<br>Sometimes the one you want, is not the one you need.  
>What goes around, don't come around.<br>You should know me by now._

He wanted to say it, he really did. But damn it if that wicked fire demon beside her didn't hold him back. If only she wasn't there, if only they were alone. But, some things just weren't meant to be… and some things were. For he realized it now; perhaps she wasn't a demon. Perhaps she wasn't the devils child or evil reincarnate. Perhaps she was every bit a gift from the gods as well, sent to protect and stand sentry to and against all those who would otherwise harm or taint the beauty of the moon. To protect against him.

Through the darkness shone two moons.

With one last long look, Johnny branded the image to memory and turned to face the music.

Even when the door was between them, the Scot could hear her, _feel_ her. Not physically but emotionally. He could feel her calling him back, scolding and reprimanding him for being stupid enough to venture out into such ungodly weather. But it was a far less frightening prospect then what lay behind him. No, it was better this way. After all…

He had no choice.

One last look. That's all he needed, just one last look. And he took it.

Looking over his shoulder one last time, Johnny swore he saw her through the parted curtains. It seemed like ages as he starred at her, just her. No sentry there fending him off, no feelings in the way, just her. And finally he was able to say it.

"I just need you to know, I don't regret a single moment. "

Through all the rain, through all the thunder, through all the havoc and chaos, she smiled. There was no way she had heard him, probably hadn't even seen his lips move, but she knew what he'd said, he knew she did. And that was all he needed to know.

The next time he turned around was the last time and the Scot didn't stop walking until there were no more houses, no more street lamps, no more sidewalks or parked cars or fire hydrants. There was only a long stretch of road and the blackness. And lyrics.

Johnny cursed colorfully, damning whoever wrote the lyrics to that song to hell and back and hoping with all his might he'd one day get his hands on them.

_I know that I remember you, I think that you remember me too.  
>How can one of us still feel blessed while the other one's lost?<em>

Louder and louder the words rang, deafening him, shaking him to the core, assaulting him and abusing him. A loud, shrill collection of words as if the singer was standing right behind him, screaming the words in his ear to force him to listen.

_I know you got to feel the change; it just gets worse when it stays the same.  
>How can one of us still feel blessed when the other one is so—<em>

Knees hit the pavement hard and the earth-shattering, gut wrenching, ear-splitting scream that tore from Johnny's throat seemed so loud, so pained, so violent, that he expected the heavens themselves to split open.

But they didn't.

And when he stopped, the scream that had all but punctured his own ears and drowned out nature's orchestra was swallowed up. And there was only a long stretch of road. And blackness.

And rain.

His head fell back and Johnny closed his eyes, threw open his arms, opened his heart. Let it drain off its ugly, diseased fluid that was heartache, pain and sorrow. And in its place, the rain filled his heart with old memories, good memories, fresh, clean and pure water that was hope, and peace and, yea, that too; love.

Feeling the pressure he'd been living with for as long as he could remember ease away, Johnny opened his eyes, lowered his arms, lifted his head.

Got to his feet.

Taking a deep breath, the Scot smiled, his face aching from the effort he hadn't made in as long as he could remember.

"Welcome back." He whispered to himself.

Bending to pick up his fallen bag, Johnny heaved the soaking wet mess back onto his shoulder with much more ease than expected. No weight felt heavy anymore, not compared to what he'd just shed. From now on things would be different for with the rain came new beginnings, old dirt washed away with the cool and healing water.

Yes, things would be different now. After all, somewhere out there, even though the blackness, even beyond the seemingly never ending road; there was a moon.

_Sometimes the one you want, is not the one you need.  
>What goes around, don't come around.<br>But don't you know me by now_?

Johnny smiled to himself as still familiar words rang out in the front of his mind.

OK, so maybe the song wasn't so bad after all.


End file.
